My name is TisbA and I'm a nacraholic.........

I can quit whenever I want!!! WHENEVER I WANT!!!

Starting tomorrow…

Ok, so I wouldn't say that I'm an addict, but I certainly like taking Adderall® and the way it makes me feel. I’ve taken Adderall® in the past, but only during finals time. This semester, I took some so I could stay up all night studying for my orgo exam. As exciting as organic chemistry must sound, I have a hard time concentrating if I’m not understanding material and have to repeat reaction/mechanism steps over and over—I lose focus. So, I’ve been trying to study for regular exams like I would the final, hence the pill-popping and all-nighters.

For those of you who have taken Adderall®, or any amphetamine for that matter, you know that it not only keeps you wide awake and alert, but that it also curbs your appetite (umm, AWESOME??) Yeah, so in addition to being able to focus on nucleophilic addition and Diels-Alder reactions (my FAVE!! No, really… they’re so much fun!!) I've also been losing weight!! Ugh... you don't understand how happy this makes me!! FINALLY, I can control my binging and focus on school and I have more energy to work out!!

Ok, so ^^^that^^^ was last week Wednesday... the days after that were a little different...

First of all, I had been taking my brother's Adderall® XR (I know it's unlawful; SUE ME) and finally got my own prescription on Thursday. Since I haven't met my $1200 deductible on my insurance, the Adderall® XR costs me $145 for a 30-day supply of the GENERIC. Me at the register ---> O_o
Umm... YEAH and RIGHT!! So, I went back to my doctor and she suggested I try the regular Adderall®, which is $13 for the same supply, and see how that works for me.

So yeah... regular Adderall® totally pales in comparison to its extended release sibling. The first two days on it, I was exhausted!! What the F*CK??!! Usually on the XR, I was noticeably more alert within 10-15 minutes of downing the pill; this crappy drug took more than 3 days for my body to get used to. To coupled with being tired, I was also always hungry :(
You all know iHate making myself vomit—but for three days straight, that's exactly what I did after I binged on everything from enchiladas to walnut rum cake. I even threw up twice in one day, TWO days in a row—it was awful. I seriously never want to do that again...

Sidebar: one of my co-workers mentioned to me that I was losing weight; she jokingly said, "What are you doing? Purging?!" and laughed. I was shocked for like 0.2 seconds then I realized "You better laugh, TisbA, or she'll get suspicious!!" *Potentially awkward workplace moment adverted*

So, now it's Tuesday and things seem to finally be getting back to normal. I've lost the 1.4kg I gained over my binging episode and I feel a bit more focused and I'm not feeling hungry today at all after only having 2 sugar-free Fudgsicles® (80 cals.) Nevertheless, I think I will still ask my doctor for the XR prescription since I feel that it works so much better and keeps me alert longer. I have an HSA account I can use for doctor's co-pays and medications which I don't use much, so I might as well start using it now!

Don't get me wrong—I know I have to eat, so I still make myself sit down to a small, low-cal meal at least three times a day (usually 2 fat-free yogurts) or other good-for-TisbA foods. I also know that some might view my use of Adderall® as abuse—I won't disagree with you but I do believe that this is something I need to take to help me concentrate better and have the energy to study massive amounts of organic chemistry and actually have it stick in my brain. You've heard of Rogaine®, right? Well, this loss of appetite is a normal (and welcomed!) side effect just like how those men in clinical trials for a heart medicine discovered they were growing hair atop their formerly bald heads. SAME DIFF!

My only regret in taking Adderall® is not doing it sooner; maybe some of these B-minuses on my transcript could have been A-pluses and department store mirrors would be nicer to me. Hindsight is 20/20...

TisbA
-♥

p.s. I never did catch you all up on my doctor's visit: she said that she could hear a small "click" when she listened to my heart. What the FUCK is a "click" and why is my heart clicking, you ask??!! Believe me, I asked the same thing!! She meant that I have mitral valve prolapse.







www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov for Google Health says: "The mitral valve helps blood on the left side of the heart flow in one direction. It closes to keep blood from moving backwards when the heart beats (contracts). Mitral valve prolapse is the term used when the valve does not close properly. It can be caused by many different things. In most cases, it is harmless and patients usually do not know they have the problem. As much as 10% of the population has some minor, insignificant form of mitral valve prolapse, but it does not generally affect their lifestyle."

She said I was fine and the palpitations I was having were probably due to me stressing over the fact that I was stressing. They haven't occurred since, but I'm still being mindful of it and keeping the vomiting at bay. I'm going to get an EKG soon just to be on the safe side... so, it's all good :)

My brother is making omelets downstairs...

...Trying to hold my breath so I don't inhale its delicious aroma...

Or how about I just close my door??

*SLAM*

Ahh... better.

p.s. 0.4kg loss today!!! I'm back to my pre-holiday binge-fest weight!!! I hope this is actual fat. I'm going to be trying on a ton of clothes to see if I actually lost weight weight and not just glucose stores. Now, I'm going to start working out. I haven't had time, but I really need to make the time.

It's GO TIME!!!

I am a princess and this is my snow castle...

That's what I was singing to myself all day yesterday and part of today. We lost power yesterday and it has yet to be restored... We got about 30" of snow in my area. Our driveway didn't get plowed until this afternoon. I left my 40-something-degree-indoors house and sought refuge at my aunt's nearby. There, I had the most glorious shower ever... since Friday.

AWESOME.

Now, today was to be a fast day and I was fully prepared... until I had a near-fainting spell. You see, I get very hypo-glycemic and dizzy if I don't eat sometimes. The day started off well enough; it wasn't until around 3:30pm that I was stricken with this sudden bout of nausea, cold sweats, and shakiness. Honestly, I would have passed out within seconds had my aunt not recognized my symptoms and quickly given me a cup of orange juice to drink and raise my blood sugar. FAIL.

Life Saved|Fast Over.

I felt kinda bad, but I knew I had to eat, or risk a trip to the hospital, and in this bad weather with poor road conditions, I'd rather just eat the damn food. I didn't stop with orange juice though; every time I tried to stand up, I'd fall backwards. My aunt made with rice with Nigerian red stew. I also had a dinner roll and more orange juice.

DOUBLE FAIL.

This doesn't happen too often; like once every few weeks I'll feel this way after not eating. I've fasted before from sun-up to sun-down for 40 days and 40 nights before during Lent for years without much problem... I'm not a diabetic and my iron level are OK, I think... gotta get those checked. Note to self: add more spinach to smoothies
*le sigh*

I'm going to try again to fast tomorrow. I think I'll drink orange juice right before midnight so my blood sugar will stay up over night and hopefully throughout the day. I'm going to try for Monday and Tuesday. I think I'll keep a few sugar cubes with me just in case I get the shakes again... I'll be home (woo-hooo, SNOW DAY!!!) So I can stay in bed all day without moving around too much, expending too much energy. (Did you know you burn about 2000 calories a day doing NOTHING??? You can sleep all day like a hibernating bear and still lose weight!!)

Anyhoo... My weight was the same today as yesterday; a loss of 0.6kg. I'm looking forward to post the same (hopefully) or less (hey, I said "hopefully") by tomorrow.

Bring it on.

p.s. GO SAINTS!!!

p.p.s. I ♥ Reggie Bush!!!

I have the POWER....

...Even though my house is without any.

snOMG. I'm •totally• snowed in!! It is still coming down hard, like 1-2" per hour. Ridiculous. The power went out last night •right• before I was about to post an entry. I can't access it properly on my phone, so I'll just post it later.

I haven't eaten yet today, partly because I've been in my bed. That's the Kendra Baskett (née Wilkinson from “The Girls Next Door”) diet. Sleep all day, miss all your meals and lose weight!!! I'm actually going to get up now because my back is starting to ache from all the lazin' around. I guess I'll start my orgo homework.

Its 2:15pm now. It'll be dark again in 3½ hours so I'll probably be back in bed by then...

TTYL!!! ♥

snOMG....

So, I'm spending the weekend stuck under 9 feet of snow: FUN.

Aside from being trapped with no way out... I'm worried about sticking to my diet. The house is stocked with crap food: chips, buffalo wings, soda... your normal Super Bowl weekend fare.

Of course I also have my own food, so I'm prepared... hopefully. This will be a test to my will power; being so close to all this bad food. I live at home, so I don't have total control of what foods stay in and out of the house. I also have the problem of people eating my safe foods: VERY ANNOYING. My family doesn't understand that I can't just "eat something else". I try to avoid being around food... food is a threat to my progress. I'm terrified of it...

I plan to be on the blog a lot. Reading about everyone else's experiences really helps me deal with my own struggles. You really have to keep yourself busy; stay distracted from the food. The safest places in my house are my room and the basement; there, I will seek refuge. I actually have homework to do as well, so me and organic chemistry are going to get cozy...

Looking forward to a good weekend... I can do this.

Costco: Binging in Bulk

So.... I was doing very well today; oatmeal (~115 cal) for breakfast and Nigerian vegetable soup (an oh-so-worth-it 350 cal) for lunch. I was really looking forward to rewarding myself with a hummus and spinach sandwich (~140 cal) and Fiber One® bar (140 cal) this evening... until I agreed to go to Costco for my mom.

First of all, Costco is ALWAYS busy, regardless of the time of day or day of the week. The sparling warehouse is always jam-packed with shopping carts, flatbed trolleys, and the inevitable lost child. Secondly, if you were to try and get a feel for how the U.S. economy is doing based upon what people are buying, observing shoppers at Costco would make you say "what recession??" Between people buying up 128 oz. bottles of mustard and 24-pack MagLite® flashlights, I'd say we're in an economic boom...

Anyway, I wasn't at all worried or evening thinking about how dangerous Costco really is until I was 10 feet into the front entrance. There they were: SAMPLES.

"But it's a Wednesday!!" I thought... "Sample days are only on the weekends!! Oh jeez..." You see, as a kid, me and my siblings would love going to Costco only because we could stuff our faces with free puff pastries and complimentary spoonfuls of peach cobbler and whatever else they had to offer. It wasn't until I accepted a 1 oz. Dixie cup of Craisins® and ate half (~25 cal), that more and more sampling stations began to appear. There was mini peanut brittle (~40 cal), salmon spread on a cracker (~70 cal), Tostitos® and salsa (~20 cal)... I had them all.

It wasn't until I was downing a sample of a chicken taquito (~37 cal) that I finally stopped myself. What was I doing??? I had done so well up until this point. These "free" samples had cost me nearly 200 calories. What a waste. You know how they say never go grocery shopping when you're hungry?? Yeah, never do that because you'll simply eat every single you see. I'm totally not eating anything else today...

UPDATE: So I wrote this entry while still at my mom's office, saved it as a draft, then went home and obliterated my CR regimen. Upon getting into the house, I had a little Shredded Wheat cereal... then a little more, then a yogurt, then more Nigerian vegetable soup... I SUCK. I kept eating, though, because I decided that I was going to go throw it up. I hate to do this and I don't do it often but I was starting to feel panicky, so I thought it was the best way to relieve my anxiety.

I usually wait 40-60 minutes before I do it, so as I'm busying myself preparing for my day tomorrow (today), I notice about an hour and a half has gone by since I ate. It was after midnight; I was too late. If it was any other day, I would have just tried to anyway. But today (Feb. 4th) is a "special" day for me and on these "special" days, I refrain from doing things which in my own mind might be "bad" things (things like having sex or Christmas day or other restrictions I put on myself... I'm weird, remember?) Anyway, I chucked the day up as an L and sought to do better in the morning.

I'm very pleased to say that I did much, MUCH better today and I think I've made up for much of the damage from the day before. I was 1.2kgs less yesterday morning before my binge; I weighed less this morning post-binge, but only 0.4kgs... at least I didn't gain!!! Phew!!

I always try to remember (and those of you reading should, too) that all is not lost if I "mess up". I easily could have kept the feast going into today, but I didn't. I'm happy with how I did today... I might have earned a that Fiber One® bar after all!!!

I feel good today...

... I weighed myself today after a failed attempt at CR the day prior and to my pleasant surprise, I lost 1kg!!

Note: I live in America, but I record my weight in kilograms; it just makes me feel better. I used to weigh myself in pounds until my best friend (my scale of nearly 9 years) suddenly switched itself into kilograms and I never figured out how to switch it back!! Hence, my life in kgs began. 1 kilogram = 2.2 pounds, BTW...

Anyhoo... this +2 pound loss has reinvigorated me a bit. Also, reading the blogs I follow has also inspired and encouraged me. So many people are struggling, but we're all doing it together.

Today, I will do better. Today will be better than yesterday...