0.2kg...

...is what kept me from starting my day off right yesterday. I had gained instead of lost. I felt horrible, especially since I had thrown up my dinner the night before and was really expecting to see a difference...

Like I mentioned before, I'm fasting for Lent and though it is not a diet, Wednesday was really difficult for me. I was feeling dizzy and light-headed and my stomach had been growling violently all morning. I desperately wanted to eat something, even a single peanut would have satiated me... but I kept thinking about my Lenten sacrifice...

Some people don't even have food. Children go hungry for weeks at a time and here I was complaining about going without food for a few hours. Because I didn't want to "disappoint God" or pass out, I called my church and spoke to a priest. She (I'm Episcopalian!) told me that the hunger I was feeling inside was my hunger for God, and though she advising most people to simply eat 2 smaller meals for breakfast and lunch instead of going without food all day, I should pray to God for him to fill my emptiness. She also advised me to have something small to keep my energy up. I ended up drinking 2 cups of Ceylon tea and praying about it. I felt better.

Today, I weighed myself and I'd lost 0.4kg since yesterday. Ok... decent. Then, I got in the shower and, as I sometimes do, I weighed myself again. I'd "lost" another 0.8kg. That makes no sense to me, so I'm not going to count it as a real loss in my weight log... but I'm not gonna lie; it did make me feel better about myself.

It's Friday and most people usually fast until 5:00PM on Fridays during Lent; I'm going to try for all day. Honestly, I'm not trying to one-up other Lent observers! LOL... I'm just trying to discipline myself more, something I want to continue post-Lent as well.

TTYL...
♥ TisbA

First Friday of Lent...

... and I ate ham. BLASPHEMY!!!

But it was so tasty, Lord help me...

So, this year for Lent, I am fasting until 6:00pm and I've given up my favorite past time: stalking. Yes, ladies... I, TisbA, have promised to refrain from stalking people for 40 days and 40 nights plus Sundays (which are not counted during Lent).

For those of you unfamiliar with Lent, it is a time of fasting, abstinence and penitence which starts after Mardi Gras (which translates to "Fat Tuesday" but some call it Shrove Tuesday) and begins the day of Ash Wednesday... anyone else notice Biden's ashes Wednesday??? I did; made me happy for some reason... :)

Anyhoo... during this time, most observers give up something like eating one meal a day, forgoing alcohol or even their daily frappucino or vow to do more of something else, and instead use the money they would have spent on those things and donate it to charity or do community service and pray more. Lenten practices are usually not observed on Sundays which are treated like "mini-Easters" and are a day of celebration. For the most part, Lent is a time of reflection and aspiration to become a better person.

As I noted above, I'll be fasting which I have stuck to, but the one meal a day thing I've totally blown. Hunger induces binging for me and that is partly why I chose to fast because I know food has a hold on me which is very similar to my obsession with knowing what others are doing/thinking/saying (e.g. stalking). Both of these things can sometimes consume me; leading me to waste time (and calories).

As part of my Lenten devotion, I've said I would not check my ex-'s Facebook page (unless she pops up in my mini-feed, then it's fair game). But other than that, I've removed her page from the list of bookmarks on my Blackberry and I no longer check her blog or N's blog. It's been kind of a relief really. Instead of reading a status of hers that leaves me depressed and moody for the rest of the day/week, I rarely think about it and instead assume the worst (best, in my opinion) that they have broken up. I'm sick, I know :)

Anyway... I'm still tackling the binging. As soon as my phone alarm goes off at 6 o' clock, I say a short prayer then do my best to keep from eating everything I see. I brought two Fiber One® bars with me to eat at work today, but we had a staff meeting and they ordered pizza: high-carb kryptonite.

I've been praying for God to give me strength; strength not to binge, strength to treat food as my fuel and not my foe, and strength to appreciate the fact that not every has access to food like I do, so I should be grateful not gluttonous.

Everyday is a struggle, but I can make it through... with God's help.

Amen.

My brother is making omelets downstairs...

...Trying to hold my breath so I don't inhale its delicious aroma...

Or how about I just close my door??

*SLAM*

Ahh... better.

p.s. 0.4kg loss today!!! I'm back to my pre-holiday binge-fest weight!!! I hope this is actual fat. I'm going to be trying on a ton of clothes to see if I actually lost weight weight and not just glucose stores. Now, I'm going to start working out. I haven't had time, but I really need to make the time.

It's GO TIME!!!