Sunday, March 28, 2010


Hello stalkers!!!!

OMG, so I'm soOoOo glad to be back to blogging!!! So, in regards to my farewell post, I might have overreacted. I checked my web history a few days later, and it turns out that my sisters never saw my blog!!! I was BEYOND relieved!!! I thought about changing my URL, but I simply ♥ my witty website name. I mean, "THERishouldbeAPY"?? "I should be in THERAPY"?? That's f*cking AWESOME!!!

So, I'm back, and just in time because my world has been unraveling.........

So many things to share; I actually started making a list of thing I needed to blog about in a note on my BlackBerry™... yep, I sure did!!!

I'm going to start off with something that just happened to me like an hour ago.....

While stalking my ex-boyfriend on Facebook, I saw tagged pictures of him put up by some girl I'd seen on his page every now and then but never thought much of her because frankly... she looks like a potato with hair: frumpy, freckled, and just boring-looking. But today, there were pictures of the two of them standing side by side in what looked like a tropical vacation place. As I investigated further, I realized that the pictures were taken at Epcot (yep, bootleg Disney) but what made me go "hmmm" is the one picture I saw of her kissing him on the cheek, moreover, the picture of him kissing her on the cheek. Further more, the fact that they were at Epcot; this is outside of the state where we live and me and him NEVER went anywhere together that wasn't more than a 3 hour drive away. I found myself surprisingly pissed off---for a little bit. I'm fine now because I know the girl is ugly and if they are dating, then she must not mean much to him because he hasn't changed the status on his Facebook profile for her (yes, I am basing the level of seriousness of their relationship on an online networking site's profile features)

Anyhoo.... I did freak out for the first 5 minutes, I even shed a tear (just one!) I know he's still a loser/cheater and will most likely break her heart, too. To be very honest, I was very surprised that I even felt anything about the matter... not that I'm still in love with him after 2 years, but I was a bit perturbed that he had taken a trip that obviously cost some sort of money with this heif-- I mean girl. He never spent money on me when we were together for over 5 years; now he's taking trips with some chick who he's been with for a few months? iGuess...

His mother still loves me and I talk to her every now and then (on Facebook, nonetheless) and I know there is no way she'd allow him to marry such a girl.

But again, I'm prettier and that's that!

Coming soon:
-My weight :(
-Gay marriage
-Chaz Bono
-VOGUE magazine
-My daily and incessant gripes...

Stay tuned...

Monday, March 22, 2010

Knock, knock...

Guess who?!

The wait is over... I am back!

Look forward to many, many updates in the next few days; I have a lot of pent up thoughts and feelings to share with you all.

I'm in the office and actually working, but I'll be blogging soon enough!

Stay tuned...

TisbA ♥

Sunday, March 7, 2010

The end is....


Sorry folks, the blog has gone bust. We're out of business and closing our doors FOREVER!!! Seventy-five percent off everyth---, oh wait.

Yeah, so the jig is up; I've been found out! I gotta go, lest I risk things getting really weird and uncomfortable around my house.

THERishouldbeAPY is dead and has gone to e-heaven.

THERishouldbeAPY is survived by 7 (yay!) followers and numerous stalkers in Great Britain, Australia, and throughout the United States. I appreciated all your words of advice, input, concern and your mere presence.

Thank you and goodnight ladies and gentlemen.

♥ TisbA

Open Letter to My Sisters...

First, I want to say that I love you two so much. You two are like my children and I would do anything for you and anything to protect you.

That being said, this weekend when I let you two use my laptop, I carelessly left my tabs saved to open automatically when you opened the browser. I'm sure you inevitably saw my blog and read every entry, out of pure curiosity. I'm not 100% sure if you read everything, but nevertheless, I was devastated at the prospect of being found out. What would you two think?? What would you say?? I'm too afraid to even ask if you read it because I'm deathly afraid of the awkwardness and possible rejection that might ensue. I rather just assume the worst.

The things I discussed in this blog were; ironically, because it is shared with the world; meant to be private. Things I wrote in here are things I have told very few people or no one at all. A blog is hardly how I would have imagined you would find out such personal and private things about me. Anonymity was so important to me and now that it has been jeopardized, I can no longer continue writing because I am almost certain you will return to this page again.

I love you two so much and I hope you understand that I am not a bad person; I am simply a person who has no other outlet to express feelings that many may view as strange or wrong. I hope we can still be as close as before and I hope most of all, that you don't see me any differently.

Friday, March 5, 2010

I almost gave in..., as you know, I have up stalking and eating before 6pm for Lent.

The fasting was no problem! The issue was that I almost went to my ex-'s Facebook page today; the urge came over me several times... I'm only allowed to go to her page if she pops up in my mini-feed, which she did yesterday, and of course I took the opportunity to examine her page.

She had changed her profile picture to one of her and N... so, bad news: they're still together...

As I prepared to hurl myself into a state of depression, I remembered that I can't keep doing this to myself. Really, I was almost all set to put up a sappy Facebook status, when I thought, "what the fuck is wrong with you?? get over it!! keep movin'..."

Quickly, I smiled; I told myself that this was temporary. They will break up soon and I will happy again (see: disturbed). I also noted that N has fucked up teeth and my teeth are perfect, as well as the fact that Y had always told me sex with me was awesome and the only other person that came close was her ex- of 3 years.

Sadly, these are the demented and trivial things things that keep me afloat in this situation of mine...

I need a distraction... when I was a freshman in college dealing with rejection from a football player who dumped me because I wouldn't have sex with him (I was saving myself for marriage and boys-only then), my friends told me the only way to get over someone is with someone else. Umm, yeah, so I'm not a whore and I can't go sleeping with random girls/guys, but honestly, I just want to feel close to someone again. I'm lonely and it sucks...

I've done pretty damn well staying away from Y's page and her girlfriend's blog. I don't even visit their pages on Sundays when it's "allowed". The real test will come Easter Sunday when Lent will be over and I'll undoubtedly have to restrain myself from e-binging on various Facebook, blogs, DowneLink and Twitter accounts before church service!! LOL!! Ahh... it's funny because it's sad.

Part of me really wants to tell her how I still feel about her. I know now is certainly not the time because I'm sure she could give to fucks about me right now with Snaggletoo--, err, I mean, her girlfriend in the picture. I think about this girl everyday. I was willing to come out for her. I loved her and it still hurts so badly... Maybe that's why I'm so looking forward to her and N breaking up; that will be my only chance to tell her how I feel, because otherwise I'd just look mad foolish....

Lesson learned: If you get a chance to do something, TAKE IT. Otherwise, you will regret it FOREVER.

Goodnight... ★+*.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Matters of the heart...

Specifically, my (anatomical) heart and how its acting right now…

On Sunday and Monday, I binged and threw up in the evenings. My vomiting episodes range from once monthly to once weekly, but this is probably only the second time I’ve eaten and thrown up two days in a row, but both times I seemed to experience palpitations and a rapid heart rate; I would take my pulse and it would be racing. This also happens to me on other occasions, but rarely.

I know vomiting can cause an electrolyte imbalance which can lead to cardiac issues, but I always make sure to drink water+table salt or Pedialyte® after an episode. Even still, I think that only occurs in extreme cases. Nevertheless… it’s freaking me out!! I’m a hypochondriac, I admit, but with good reason!!! I always hear about stories where people dismissed arm tingling as pins and needles when, lo and behold, they were having a stroke! Or when someone will down a whole bunch of antacids to cure a “stomach ache” when all the sudden, BOOM, their appendix bursts! Plus, the fact that my parents are doctors and I’m so into health and diseases, I’ve become hyper-aware of my body and its functions. Once, I called my mom from school crying and insisted on getting a CT scan that same day because of a headache I’d had for 3 days which I thought it was an aneurysm… they found nothing, but better safe than sorry!!

Anyhoo… I haven’t thrown up since Monday, but that hasn’t stopped me from binging which just builds my anxiety about gaining weight. I need to get back in the gym… and see a doctor! I made an appointment with a primary care physician for next week, so I’ll see how that goes. I also decided to forgo resuming my Adderall® until this is settled. I don’t need anything else jackin’ up my heart rate unnecessarily…

I’ll update you later.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

3-minute workout

I want to share a mini-workout I stole this from another blogger. It's a great way to start your day off on the right foot, or an energy boost during the day (though, probably not at your desk!) when you can spare a few moments...

The workout is very easy: Pull out the stop watch!

1. three- :20 second intervals sprints in place with pumping arms.

2. three- :20 second intervals jumping jacks with arms out in front.

3. three- :20 second intervals leap frogs or hops.

4. three- :20 second intervals biceps.

5. three- :20 second intervals triceps.

Rest 10 seconds in-between each 20-second interval

Courtesy of LyricGirl

Monday, March 1, 2010

I ♥ my dad...

... even when we fight.

As bad as I felt about what my dad said to me yesterday, I felt worse for yelling at him the way I did; I even woke my mom up, the way I was carrying on. I have an abhorrent temper and razor-sharp tongue and should never treat/speak to my parents that way, no matter what the circumstance...

Short of apologizing, I sent my dad a text message this morning saying "Have a nice day". My dad's response:

"Thank you. I just want you to know that EVERYTHING I say to you is out of love because I want my first daughter to be a success. I LOVE YOU. -Dad"

Of course upon reading this, I burst into tears. I love my dad. I am my father's daughter. We both have issues keeping our emotions in check and because I never mastered the African art of shut-up-and-be-quiet-while-your-parents-yell-at-you, things often escalate out of control. The few times when I have bitten my tongue when getting a tongue-lashing, my dad has always come back to apologize and peace ensued for weeks after... until our next spat, but peace nonetheless!

I don't want to fight with my dad; I know when wants what's best for me and I'm sure he's frustrated and he maybe feels that he's failing as a parent somehow if his children aren't succeeding. I don't want to "prove him wrong", but rather make him proud.

"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you." ~Exodus 20:12