Slice of Happy... ♥

Howdy y'all....

It's been awhile; I've been dealing with a lot of stuff and haven't had time to blog, but now I'm back.

So much drama has been going on: grief, work, school...(I took my orgo final today, though I'd rather forget that ever happened).

Amid all this, I finally had a moment of joy—my slice of happy. That happiness was found in the the bottom of a .99¢ bag of CVS® brand gummi bears.

Yep. Gelatin candies made my day, today. I was up all last night and the night before—with a 2-hour nap in between—studying for my exam. I didn't want food-food, but just something to snack on while I drew my Friedel-Crafts mechanisms and Clemmensen reduction reactions. Gummi bears were the perfect solution! Over the course of 18 hours, that was all I ate—just the one 4-oz. bag!! Four-hundred-twenty calories total; I didn't binge! For once...

Anyhoo, in addition to being a fat-free food, gummi bears also provide 3 grams of protein per serving! Yeah, that exclamation mark didn't make that sound any more exciting, but I'm just trying to look at the bright side of eating nothing but candy for a whole day... I wasn't really hungry because of the Adderall® I had taken earlier, so the gummi bears were just enough to keep me happy.

I know I'm going on and on about some silly candy, but I'm just feeling really good right now. I prayed the Rosary before I studied and I prayed before my exam, like I always do; so I'm not stressed right now... just TIRED! #OMG. I had to will my body to come to work after school; I even took a nap in my car... sOoOo exhausted.

Welp, I'm going to be leaving in an hour and I'm going to hit up the mall to get my nails done, then get a massage—I DESERVE IT!! I think I'll take a nap before "Real Housewives: New York" tonight at 10pm, then go back to sleep! So happy to just RELAX.

I'll be back later to update you on some recent events concerning Y and my ex-boyfriend—I know the 7 of you are on the EDGE of your seats in anticipation!!!

Toodle-loo folks! :)

TisbA
♥

Bad news about a friend...

On Tuesday, I learned that a family friend passed away.

He was studying medicine in a European country when he was involved in an accident. He had sustained severe head injuries and had swelling in his brain. The doctors pronounced him brain dead, but his family and many, many people in the U.S., Nigeria and throughout the world prayed for his recovery. Days went by and I was so hopeful he would pull through, but unfortunately, he did not.

He was only 27.

There are still many questions surrounding his passing. The scene of the accident was not investigated properly; repairs had been made within hours of the incident and we're unaware if anyone looked into whether or not anything was faulty or tampered with. He was not immediately taken to a trauma hospital by the ambulance and precious hours were lost before he was finally transferred to a better equipped facility. The laws in that nation state that once declared brain dead, a person must be removed from life support within 6 hours; it took much pleading by his family to the doctors to hold off until his siblings made the cross-Atlantic flight to at least be by his side. Even then, they were not permitted to stay with him after 9:00PM. When he passed, his family wasn't told until much later, after he'd already been moved to the morgue.

My heart breaks for them...

I live in the U.S. and as much as I love Nigeria, this tragedy has reaffirmed my belief that America is the best country in the world, honestly. Here, you must have family permission before life support is discontinued. You can stay with a loved one overnight, around the clock to ensure their comfort and, most of all, proper care. Lastly, family is always and immediately notified should a patient ever go into cardiac arrest.

To all of you who travel or school abroad, know your rights. Know your rights as a citizen in another country. Contact your embassy or consulate and be informed on how the law works in a foreign land. God forbid anything like this ever happen to anyone you know; it is too tragic...

My friend would have made fabulous doctor. He was very smart, very funny, very playful and most of all, very kind. He will be very missed...

Be well
♥

"Good people pass away; the godly often die before their time. But no one seems to care or wonder why. No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come. For those who follow godly paths will rest in peace..."
—Isaiah 57:1-2

Whaddup Peeps!!!

Isn't this little chickie CUTE??!! Ugh... adorable...

HAPPY EASTER!! It's finally Springtime!! I absolutely love this season because everything seems to be coming back to life; starting over anew!! I'm sure it's no coincidence that Easter takes place during this time. Christians believe that Easter is the day Jesus was risen from the dead after being crucified. In sacrificing himself for our sins, he gave all Christians fresh start.

Easter also marks the end of Lent. That's right―I'm once again free to stalk as I please!!!

But, I won't.

Lent is a time to be reflective and try and make changes. Now that it's over, I've decided to ease up a bit on the stalking because it's not doing me much good and most times only leaves me feeling sad and irritable―specifically after checking up on my ex- Y. Remember how I said I'd only look at her profile if she popped up in my Facebook mini-feed? Well, towards the end of Lent, she was like in it every other day, so I would check and see updates about her and N and their perfect relationship. It TOTALLY sucked.

I finally vented all my frustrations onto a good friend of mine and she asked me if I had ever considered deleting Y. I said I had, but I was too scared that once I deleted her, she wouldn't even notice―or worse, wouldn't even care and then I would lose all ties with her. My friend suggested instead that I delete Y from my mini-feed; it's an option that makes it so a person's status updates, photos, posts, et cetera don't appear on your homepage. At first, I was hesitant to do even that, but I finally did it and you know what? It felt good. It wasn't permanent, and I could still check her profile if I really wanted to, but I'm not going to.. at least not the 20-30 times a day I used to at my worst and most obsessive times. Ugh... I almost sound crazy! If anyone else told me something like that, I'd think they were a complete LOON.

Anyway, so yeah... I'm going to sit back and try and start living my life again. Not to say that I won't ever check Y's profile, but now I know that I have the power to keep it in check. I still want to confront her one day and tell her all my feelings, but I don't know when that will be... I've said I want to wait until she and N break up, but who knows? What if she marries her?? Sad/pathetic story: when gay marriage was legalized in Washington D.C. not long ago, my immediate thought after "oh, that's so great!" was "oh, crap! what if they move to D.C. and get married?!" The thought seemed even more plausible because Y had a status awhile back about how N told her that her dream wedding dress was $5000. I couldn't help but think how Y would have reacted if it were I that said such a thing (my dream dress is by a designer whose gowns start at $3000) that she would have labeled me a shallow, spoiled brat. Ugh... ok, enough.

So, I am moving on! It's disgustingly pathetic that I've let myself feel like crap for more than a year over someone who has absolutely no clue. Now, now... don't think this means that I won't ever mention Y again, because I inevitably will, but just know that I'm working towards getting myself together and starting to be more positive about things, ok? Ok!

Gosh! ^^That's a lot of text!^^ I think I'm done for now... I actually have other stuff to update you all on, but I'll save that for tomorrow.

Welp, I'm at work so...........................

BYE!!!

-Tisba
♥

0.2kg...

...is what kept me from starting my day off right yesterday. I had gained instead of lost. I felt horrible, especially since I had thrown up my dinner the night before and was really expecting to see a difference...

Like I mentioned before, I'm fasting for Lent and though it is not a diet, Wednesday was really difficult for me. I was feeling dizzy and light-headed and my stomach had been growling violently all morning. I desperately wanted to eat something, even a single peanut would have satiated me... but I kept thinking about my Lenten sacrifice...

Some people don't even have food. Children go hungry for weeks at a time and here I was complaining about going without food for a few hours. Because I didn't want to "disappoint God" or pass out, I called my church and spoke to a priest. She (I'm Episcopalian!) told me that the hunger I was feeling inside was my hunger for God, and though she advising most people to simply eat 2 smaller meals for breakfast and lunch instead of going without food all day, I should pray to God for him to fill my emptiness. She also advised me to have something small to keep my energy up. I ended up drinking 2 cups of Ceylon tea and praying about it. I felt better.

Today, I weighed myself and I'd lost 0.4kg since yesterday. Ok... decent. Then, I got in the shower and, as I sometimes do, I weighed myself again. I'd "lost" another 0.8kg. That makes no sense to me, so I'm not going to count it as a real loss in my weight log... but I'm not gonna lie; it did make me feel better about myself.

It's Friday and most people usually fast until 5:00PM on Fridays during Lent; I'm going to try for all day. Honestly, I'm not trying to one-up other Lent observers! LOL... I'm just trying to discipline myself more, something I want to continue post-Lent as well.

TTYL...
♥ TisbA

First Friday of Lent...

... and I ate ham. BLASPHEMY!!!

But it was so tasty, Lord help me...

So, this year for Lent, I am fasting until 6:00pm and I've given up my favorite past time: stalking. Yes, ladies... I, TisbA, have promised to refrain from stalking people for 40 days and 40 nights plus Sundays (which are not counted during Lent).

For those of you unfamiliar with Lent, it is a time of fasting, abstinence and penitence which starts after Mardi Gras (which translates to "Fat Tuesday" but some call it Shrove Tuesday) and begins the day of Ash Wednesday... anyone else notice Biden's ashes Wednesday??? I did; made me happy for some reason... :)

Anyhoo... during this time, most observers give up something like eating one meal a day, forgoing alcohol or even their daily frappucino or vow to do more of something else, and instead use the money they would have spent on those things and donate it to charity or do community service and pray more. Lenten practices are usually not observed on Sundays which are treated like "mini-Easters" and are a day of celebration. For the most part, Lent is a time of reflection and aspiration to become a better person.

As I noted above, I'll be fasting which I have stuck to, but the one meal a day thing I've totally blown. Hunger induces binging for me and that is partly why I chose to fast because I know food has a hold on me which is very similar to my obsession with knowing what others are doing/thinking/saying (e.g. stalking). Both of these things can sometimes consume me; leading me to waste time (and calories).

As part of my Lenten devotion, I've said I would not check my ex-'s Facebook page (unless she pops up in my mini-feed, then it's fair game). But other than that, I've removed her page from the list of bookmarks on my Blackberry and I no longer check her blog or N's blog. It's been kind of a relief really. Instead of reading a status of hers that leaves me depressed and moody for the rest of the day/week, I rarely think about it and instead assume the worst (best, in my opinion) that they have broken up. I'm sick, I know :)

Anyway... I'm still tackling the binging. As soon as my phone alarm goes off at 6 o' clock, I say a short prayer then do my best to keep from eating everything I see. I brought two Fiber One® bars with me to eat at work today, but we had a staff meeting and they ordered pizza: high-carb kryptonite.

I've been praying for God to give me strength; strength not to binge, strength to treat food as my fuel and not my foe, and strength to appreciate the fact that not every has access to food like I do, so I should be grateful not gluttonous.

Everyday is a struggle, but I can make it through... with God's help.

Amen.