Tuesday, February 2, 2010

F*ck YOU.

Is what I should have said, in addition to many other things. Instead, I saved my angry +160 character response to my Blackberry draft folder.....

My ex-, we'll call her "Y" decided to randomly text me today. She ask me if I'd come out of the closet. At first I thought that was extra random, but then I quickly realized she was referring to my status. I had a quote up by Lt. Dan Choi. It goes: “Have courage. Stand up. Don't hide. Be honest...”

If you're unfamiliar with this quote, Lt. Choi is a former infantry officer in the United States Army who has served in combat in the Iraq war. "Former" because after he bravely came out on The Rachel Maddow Show, he was discharged from the army less than a week later in accordance with the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. You can read all about it here.

Anyhoo..... I told her that no, I hadn't come out, but I found his quote inspirational for many reasons as I hoped other people did, too. Thinking that was the end of our random moment and it would be another 3 months until I heard from her again, I went back to work until she replied (in 3 texts, mind you) that there was something "inherently wrong" about me putting up such a quote when I myself aren't out because "[I'm] the one he's talking to". At that point, I picked up the phone and called her, leaving a message (in my low, I'm-at-work voice) saying I didn't appreciate what she said and some other stuff...

I was quite angered when she responded that (paraphrasing) I "should come out and until [I] do, [I] shouldn't be using his words as a battle cry if [I'm] not willing to join the fight"


I was incensed.

Who the Hell is she to tell me what I can/can't or should/shouldn't say or do and when?? If she was in front of me, I might have slapped her... and not lightly either; but a mighty, AFRICAN slap. I was so, so, soOoOo angry. I typed up a response, ready to deliver it, but I stopped short of pressing "send" because.... honestly (and this is quite pitiful)... I didn't want her to be mad at me... I was afraid that might me the last time she ever contacted me again... Go on, "BOOOOOO" me!!! I welcome it... because I know it was a wimpy move. I'll give the full story behind us/me at another time...

Below is what I typed but never sent. Hopefully, at least someone will get to read it:

How dare you? You've got some nerve to tell me what I can/can't or should/shouldn't do.

I put that quote up because I agreed with what he said and the specific meaning behind it. He is SO brave and it pains me not to know that type of courage.

I AM NOT YOU. I did not come out at 14. I do not "dislike" my family and therefore, I care about how my choices effect them. I do things on my OWN time, my OWN way.

To tell me that I haven't "joined the fight" just because I haven't come out to the world is BULLSHIT. I want what is right and just for EVERYONE; all of US. I do my part; not just through silly statuses but actual WORK and activism. You do not know me, [Y]. Please do not act like you know me, my life, or what I am about.


  1. Righteous response! I feel you. You have to make your own decisions and live your life on YOUR terms. I respect that.

    Also, I LOVE The Rachel Maddow Show. I saw that interview with Lt. Choi when it aired. I admire him greatly.

    Stay strong.

  2. Thank you for that. I appreciate it :)